An Inner Struggle

Have you ever felt that inward struggle between yourself and your conscience? Seems like a never ending fight inside your own head. With all the wisdom of the ages and the ability to know right from wrong, we still end up having some kind of bicker fest with our own selves. Astounding, isn’t it? We are constantly at war with our own selves, no matter how we approach a situation because we immediately think afterwards of how it could’ve gone, if only we’d made a turn off the beaten path. The very idea of what could have been becomes more pressing in the back of our mind, even if we try to ignore it.

 

For many people, fighting with their conscience is a never ending thing, and this time I’m meaning in a most literal sense. Take for instance single parents are always battling to figure out if they did everything that very day as best they could and with the best choices. Did I feed my child proper nutritional food? Did I read a good story to my child, or in some instances, Should I give him a bath or just put him to bed? Did I scold when I should have or did I hug when I should of been giving discipline? Being a single parent is hard because you end up trying to overcompensate with niceties to make up for the fact that they only have 1 parental figure.

 

Then there are the morally bound people who are at war with themselves and the world. They are at war with themselves, fighting against the societal constructs of what the masses think morality should be. You have fought with your conscience because your wicked conscience tries to get you to fit in with society where as you, the individual, the one who stands out like a monarch butterfly amidst a flurry of bland and listless moths, you want your own definition to morality. One that fits you and is tailored to your body, your mind, and your experiences. Heck, I don’t think anything is wrong with that!

 

Last but not least are the ones who fight with their inner self just for something to do. I tend to, more often than not, fall into this category when I have nothing better to do. I often find myself fighting with my own self because at least to me, I make sense. Sure, it sounds crazy but really, who can you count on more than your own self for the best opposing point of view? I’ve tried having friendly banter and it always ends up ugly and someone always gets their feelings hurt. Granted, not me, and I tend to get annoyed with people when they do get all “Boo hoo waa haa” with me. I rather cut the middle man out and see what my conscience has to say about a matter before having a battle of wits with an unarmed person!

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