Over the years I have come to realize that many people care… But not in a positive way. They care about what others think of them, how they are perceived by others, and what others think about their every day character. I have always wondered if this was due to a lack of self esteem or if it was just an inherently bad character trait learned from an early age. I am pretty sure that at some point or time in my life I was a victim of this self-destroying lack of worth in my own being, but I can’t really remember when that was or how I became who I am today. I haven’t changed how I am for anyone in a very long time, in fact any alterations I’ve done in the past… I’d say at least five years, were all things I wanted to do to make me happy, and really that is the only time anyone should change.
I see the issue every day, people so worried about how they will be perceived that they practically bend over backwards dang near snapping their spine in half to please others. Metaphorically of course, otherwise I think that would really freaking hurt. They fear that others wont like them for who they are, or that those who do like them will suddenly run in fright from the true them. The very notion drives me mad with confusion as to why anyone elses happiness should overwrite the necessity of ones own happiness. It truly is a mystery that baffles and confuses me beyond comprehension. Example being someone who thinks they have to unnecessarily clean up excessively right before company shows up when you have a house full of kids and or people living in your home. Why? You don’t want visitors to know that people live there? Are you planning on putting your home up for sale and having a house showing or something? I don’t get the logic.
As for myself, I’m a rude, crude very blunt and honest person and sometimes it is at the cost of friends who I’ve had for years. Mainly because they can’t seem to cope with the fact that I have a brain and can obviously think for myself without someone holding my hand and telling me what to do. I also have my own set of morals, guidelines for life, and my own routine for my house cleaning that I do regularly. I swear like a sailor, I smoke but not as often as I used to mainly because I want to quit for my personal benefit and the benefit of my family. I wear obnoxiously loud but conservative clothing at times, and if I ever wear anything that goes higher than the knee I wear stockings but again, that is because I have my own set of code for moral guidelines and what I feel is decent. It really has nothing to do with society, and my view hasn’t been shaped or changed due to society. My style is my own, and I frequently get questioned and chastised for it. I’ve been compared to strict Evangelicals due to my moral code, even though I’m not remotely religious.
What I would like to express with this is that everyone shouldn’t hold themselves to any standard that doesn’t suit them specifically. Don’t do things to appease others, make your happiness come first. That may sound selfish, but when you are happy then others will be happy for you. If they aren’t, then they have no place in your life. By acting in the fashion of trying to make everyone else in the world happy with you, you’re lying to them and yourself by not being specifically yourself. No one likes living a lie, so why do it? Just don’t. It isn’t fun, it isn’t cool, and most importantly, it causes damage to you. You should always take your happiness and well being first, because without you being happy with yourself, those around you won’t be happy either.