Another special request from a reader, Finding Me.
Everyone goes through their own road of self-discovery, finding who they are and what they want to do with themselves. Eventually we all travel this path of wondering what they want to become and where they want to see themselves in the future, and it is rare that we ever truly achieve our destinations. I’d like to share a little bit about my own road to who I am.
I didn’t really start my own road to self discovery until I was around 20 years old when I saw how bad my lifes direction was going in. I was a single parent going through a hard time, dealing with an ex who was less than pleasant and had chosen to cheat instead of taking care of our child while I worked. When I’d lost my job and moving from home to home, doing my best to take care of my child by myself, I realized I needed to figure out who I was before it was too late and my entire life ended up being nothing but resentment and bad choices made. I went through classes for parenting, I got a new job, and started taking better care of myself. I stayed up late at night, thinking about what it was I wanted for myself and my child. I knew I didn’t want to be going from one dead end to another, I wanted to find someone who would love me and my child, and accept that I came with baggage. It was after I came to the decision that I needed to find someone worthy of not me but my child that I finally found someone worth while who loved me.
When I first went on a date with my husband, he asked me what was the most important thing in my life. My response was my child, which was apparently a shock because he was quite pleased. In fact, he was beaming when I gave my answer. I had grown up wanting to have a family, and I had part of a family. I had made a child, the first step to a real family. I just needed to find someone who could help with the raising of a child, as I saw what struggle my own mother went through trying to provide for me the wonderful life I had. I knew I alone couldn’t do that and give my child the time they needed, and I didn’t want to work just so I could pay someone else to do my job for me. After all, I had brought them into this world and that made them my responsibility. As time went on, my childs father took my custody rights and I haven’t seen my child since, but now I have my daughters who get all the mommy time they could desire.
The problem with finding myself was that I had so many ideas of what I wanted to do, what I could potentially do. I have skills that I never even trained or learned for but am considered by many to be excellent at. The furthest grade I managed to make it to was 11th, as I was expelled my senior year. I attended some online college but had dropped out due to a teacher docking me points for absolutely no reason. Literally, they even ended up getting fired over it after the school looked over my papers. The teacher had made my 4.0 GPA drop to a 2.9 by the end of the semester because they wanted to dock me points for no reason. I refused to be stifled like that, and decided to take up full time house-wife and mother duties permanently, until my kids are of either middle school or high school age.
Even now, I am still discovering things about myself. The path to discovery of ones own being never truly ends once you begin the travel, because there are always more things to learn about you as you grow and age and mature. As it stands, I am currently a mother, a wife, a secretary, a financial adviser, a teacher, a chef, a house keeper, a technician, a nurse, a counselor, and a doctor. The most important thing though, I am me.