I’m Not Ready!

Everyone says that with every action there is a reaction, and it’s true. Only problem is, more often than not, we’re not ready to face the music so to speak when it comes time for the reaction to take place. We all have choices to make, actions to take, and decisions that must be made. All of which have a reaction to them, in some cases the reaction is awesome and amazing. Other times… They’re horrible and we just want to run away. Who wants to face the music when its about someone dying? I certainly wouldn’t want to. 


For me today, facing the music went dark. I found out that it is confirmed, my Aunt has cancer. My coping technique? Fed the kids, brushed their teeth, changed their bottoms, put them to bed, turned off all the lights downstairs and locked the doors. I then went upstairs into my room and curled up in a ball on my bed and passed out. In my brain, the electricity stopped sparking and everything was on autopilot. I didn’t eat, I forgot to drink my coffee, just everything quit. I even ended up having a bit of a tiff with my husband right before he had to go to work and consequently had a freaking breakdown. I don’t remember much about it aside from continuously crying, “I don’t want her to have cancer.


Then about an hour ago I got news that literally lifted my spirits and made facing the music not so bad. My Aunt has been accepted into a prestigious, state of the art specialty research facility. Apparently they specialize in the kind of cancer she has. All my frustration and anger and pain started to melt. According to my Uncle, when they did the biopsy and he found out where she’d been accepted into, he told them “That is the best place for you to be.” That was from a doctor, and to know that… It made it seem less like a living hell. Sure, I’m still upset as heck that she has it, but there is somehow an amazingly bright light of hope and love at the end of this perpetually dark tunnel of dismay and death.


The best part about this facility though? It is purely non-profit. It won’t cost them an arm and a leg, or their home and his job. 


12 thoughts on “I’m Not Ready!

  1. I’m so sorry your family has gotten this bad news. I completely understand how hard it is. I found out I had cancer last September. I don’t know what kind your aunt has or how bad it is and I won’t say that everything is going to be ok. But there will be bright spots, like getting into that facility and the fact that the financial burden won’t be overwhelming. Having a positive outlook is seriously important. The ordeal hasn’t been easy for me but the worst part was how it also affected my family. Clearly you love your aunt and that is the best support of all. Best wishes to her and all of your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry that the cancer was confirmed. BUT, I am so hopeful for her full recovery, especially considering she will get treatment at a good facility..and especially that the cost will be easily handled by her and your uncle. I never tell this to anyone as it still hurts, but my own mom had cancer. She underwent treatment, had it all, radiation, chemo, new diets, etc..she was told that nothing else could be done. She found an experimental drug (cost her 7 thousand bucks a MONTH) After being told she had only a few months to live, she went on it, and lived for 15 more years. There is ALWAYS hope. There is always something we can do for our loved ones. Mom said the one thing that meant the most to her was having one of her children show up and just do the things around the house she could n longer do for herself. the laundry, fix a meal, do the dishes. As long as she is still here take the time to be with her as much as you can. You never know if it is going to be just days or years so take advantage of every day you can be with her.

    Liked by 1 person

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