Oh My Period

I’ve been struggling to write about the word struggle today, as the only struggle I can think of that really has been impactful has been my struggle to have a freakin’ normal period. I know, too much info, right? Well, it’s true! When I had my daughter, Celeste, I was immediately given the depo provera shot in the shoulder, and ever since, I haven’t had a cycle that knew when it began or when it ended! The struggle to maintain a clear and conscious mind about what I was doing was intense to the point that back in January, I finally made an appointment to see a doctor. I couldn’t take it anymore, and if someone didn’t fix it, I was bloody well (haha get it, bloody?) going to do something to make them fix it!


Well, my appointment came and went, and the doctor gave me a handy dandy nifty little card thing to track my “dark days” of perpetual never ending hell. The struggle with that was, the kids love to destroy things made of paper. What was a gal to do when she has two mini-destructive tornadoes running around and she’s supposed to keep a paper track record of the bloody days of the month?! (Ha, knew I’d throw that in there again! GENIUS!) Anywho, I finally find a safe spot to stash the little bugger, and before long I’ve already got weeks worth blotted out. My stress levels are rising, my brain is shutting down, and I cannot for the life of me see an end to the hell.


Somewhere in February or March, I see the doctor again. I show him the chart. He does a double, then a triple take and looks at me with horror-riddled eyes. I then politely inform him that I either want something to fix it, or a bloody hysterectomy! I can’t take it anymore at this point, I’m practically at wits end! To top off the bloody mess, I can’t sleep at night! The doctor says to me, “Well, at this point, we have two options. We do nothing and hope nature takes its course, (it already bloody well is!) or we can try to prescribe some hormone therapy to see if it helps.” What? No third option to just yank it out?! WHY NOT?! In any event, I go with the medication, even though I hate medication. Now I’m all the way into June and last month I finally had a genuine cycle!


Holy shnikies! It may have taken a couple months but by george, IT WORKED! I was so amazed and astounded that the morning it stopped, I called my doctors office to speak with either him or one of his assistants and got the clerk instead. Well, me being so overly happy, I just blurt out why I called, “I just wanted to call and say thank you thank you thank you and oh my goodness THANK YOU to Dr. So-And-So, for the first time in over a year I had a period!!” The poor clerk was so baffled and simply told me thank you and hung up. Well, I guess the next time I have good news I just wont tell anyone, snooty booty!


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