Dear Son

I wanted to share with the blogging community a letter I wrote in 2014, December 5th. It is a letter that I hope with all my heart that my son one day reads for himself. It’s been nearly 4 years since he was forced to vanish from my life, there isn’t a day that passes where my heart doesn’t ache to see him. Today marks his 7th birthday, the 7th birthday of the first person to ever capture my heart and never let go.

 

December 5th, 2009 at 5:59 PM, a beautiful little boy was born. He was six pounds, six and three-fourths ounces and was twenty inches in length. He barely had any hair, but as he grew it became obvious he would be a handsome little blonde with gorgeous blue eyes. He was my life, and I worked hard to provide for him. I never truly got to bond with him like I had wanted, but I knew that I was doing what was right for him by going to work every day.

Sadly, ever since last year in February, I have not gotten to see my little man. This is the second birthday that I have had no idea where my son is, or how to get a hold of him… So I am writing this in hopes that one day I get to see him again, and I can show him that even though I had other children after he left my side, he has never left my thoughts or my heart. I am hoping that one day, some time in the future, he will look for me. When he does, I will finally be able to hold him, and hug him, and show him that I never stopped loving him.

I hope that one day, he will find me and give me the chance that his father denied me… I know I won’t be able to repair the damage that has been done, and will continue to be done, since I cannot be there for him… But I have hope that I will be able to do whatever I can to make up for the gap that has been created… I never wanted things to be this way… But what choice do I have when I don’t even have a way to get in contact with his father?…

Today my heart has been hurting, hurting so much more than normal… I cannot even look at my eldest daughter without seeing an extreme resemblance of her older brother…

My dearest son Conner, you will always have a part of my heart, no matter what happens. You are my handsome little man, and you made my days ever so bright in the dark dreary world I once lived in. I just hope wherever you are that you had a great day filled with fun and friends.

 

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4 thoughts on “Dear Son

  1. I woke up this morning, got a cup of coffee and sat at the computer. When it booted up I saw the date and thought “Oh lordie, how is Shay going to handle today?” I prayed for you for a moment to have peace of mind, and to know that someday Conner will find you. I know what it is like to be separated from a beloved child, and would wish that kind of pain on no one. Hang in there Shay. He will grow up and search for his Mom. My son did. So will yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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