A Life Long War

Today I’ve come to a crossroad in my thinking. For those who have read my blogs so far, you may have come to observe that my posts are less and less frequent. Well, there’s a reason for this. Life basically decided to poo all over the people I care about. I won’t go too far into details mainly because I’m not sure some of them want me sharing all their dirty laundry. At least, about what’s going on right now. Being what it is though, the stress has crippled my brain to the point I’ve found little to write of, or I’ve become too angry over a topic to write about it.


Today I was shown that perhaps my thinking on a certain topic may be wrong. As we all know, the hot weather is fast approaching, the swimming pools will open soon and beaches across America will be crowded beyond belief. Normally, I don’t care about theses things. What makes today different? I was offered to have a family cookout/grill and hang around the swimming pool. The very idea fills me with dread. It makes my heart drop into the bottom of my stomach and leaves an unsettling feeling. Why? Simply put, I hate swimsuits. 


I had the nerve to try googling “Modest Swimsuit” and my eyes were met with a throng of two-piece barely covers the privates “bikini” swimsuits. This is nowhere near my speed. My husband however loves them and says I would look gorgeous in them. I found an image of an obese woman wearing a one-piece with frill, fat-overlap, and showed it to him and told him, “Dear, this is how I feel in a bikini. I feel nasty.” Modesty is a personal preference for me. I feel better in pants, t-shirts, or even long sleeve shirts. It’s why I don’t like going to swimming pools, be they public or private. My options are a burka-swimsuit which would kill me from heat and probably drown me or a barely there clings to every crevice of your body elastic spandex “Please Kill Me Now” swimsuit. 


Now that isn’t to say that I hold issue with others who wear them, it’s the other part of why I don’t partake in most common summer activities. I don’t want you to see me, I don’t want to see you. Men and women alike have the most dreadful of swimwear. Some men actually wear proper swim trunks and tops, but it’s rare. If anything, I much rather wear the husbands swim trunks and a t-shirt but I don’t think that would go over too well! Especially not in a world where modest women’s swimwear is basically covering your vagina and breasts.


It makes me wonder where all the almost cute modest mid-thigh swim skirts and seemingly spaghetti-strapped swim-tops went. I had something akin to that a couple years back, but even it made me uncomfortable. Not so uncomfortable that I wouldn’t play with my kids in the water, but still uncomfortable. It was at least a step in the right direction for people who prefer some modesty over barely-there crevice floss. I get that my fashion sense isn’t for everyone, I get it. That also counts for everyone elses fashion sense not being for all others in the world too though. In a world where we are being told to be accepting of everyone for everything, one would think there might be even a small market for markedly conservative non-religious folk who just want to go play in a pool with their kids while not feeling like a land-whale or a stick-figure.

2 thoughts on “A Life Long War

    • Oh my goodness, some of the swimsuits are so cute! They’re also FLATTERING without being nasty! See, this is why I need you. I need my Suze. Also, call me some time! Angie has my number if you lost it or something.


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