A Personal Success

Over a year ago, though not by much, I started blogging. My first ever post was in regards to the fact that, though I’d been tenacious in my prior attempts, I could not seem to quit smoking. I would find myself with a cigarette in hand, even at times when I had no conscious desire for one! It worried me and made me concerned about my habits with every passing day. There were even times where I found myself trying to avoid things that I closely related to my horrible habit of smoking. It was an internal battle for the ages, and one I doubt I’ll soon forget.


Part of the problem, I personally think, is that I started smoking at such a young age. Originally, my sister had introduced me to cigarettes, though for the life of me I cannot remember what brand she had smoked. Being the younger sister and expecting my elder sister to be more intelligent than myself, I blindly followed her lead. After a while, I began noticing that lo and behold, my ADHD seemed to be under control. A thought crossed my mind : Would I truly be free to function without my horrible ADHD medications that made me a personality-less zombie? From that realization forward, I was a smoker.


I managed to hide this bad habit from my mom mainly because she was a single working mother taking care of 2 kids, painstakingly working her rear end off and forfeiting things for her own self to ensure my sister and I got what we needed. I admire the strength and resolve my mother showed, she was and has been since, my idol. As I grew older, we began doing things together like drinking coffee in the mornings. I went with her to work as often as I could get away with it, no matter the hour we had to wake at. I tried, through little things, to show my mom that I admired her. 


As I grew up, I began noticing that I was growing out of the need to smoke cigarettes but the mental link of needing them had already begun ingrained. It got to the point that I finally caved and told my mom I was a smoker. The shame I felt at having hid this secret overwhelmed me that night, so much that I still recall crying myself to sleep that night. Sure I’d hidden plenty of things from my mom, and lied often to ensure secrecy. This was about the time though that I began realizing lies were bad.


In the past 5 years that my husband and I’ve been together, we have both agreed that for the betterment of our own lives as well as the lives of our children, we should do our best to quit smoking. Often I’ve argued against it, becoming aggressive and frustrated with him. This past anniversary though, on March 12th, the striking of our 5th year together was when it finally clicked with me. A few days prior to our anniversary, I informed my husband that I felt I was finally ready to quit. Now, almost a month later, not only have I quit smoking but I’ve also not had the craving to have a cigarette. Much to my surprise, I’ve handled quitting quite miraculously. 


To those struggling to quit, I want to share some wisdom with you. When you’re ready, not just when you want to quit but when you’re actually mentally and physically ready, quitting won’t seem so hard. It’s a matter of mind conquering desire, and when everything is in place, you’ll be able to do it too.


It has been brought to my attention that people are parading about, acting as some sort of champion for awareness of diseases and or disorders. Supposedly this months targeted agenda is Autism, Asperges which is a form of autism, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder often simplified as ADHD. The problem with the categorical “Autism, Asperges, and ADHD awareness month” is that Asperges is literally a high functioning form of autism. It is often confused with ADHD especially in young children. Many forms of high functioning autism get confused with ADHD due to the behavioral mental health. Early stages of recognizable autism seem much akin to ADHD because the brain isn’t entirely matured enough to develop a full sense of self being so they come off as “sufferers of ADHD”, and are thus prescribed medication to fit that diagnosis.


How do I know this to be fact? I have been both witness and victim of a state designed ADHD diagnosis. The medication that is prescribed for the diagnosis? Pharmacy engineered speed. Yes, you read that correctly. Speed. A commonly known addictive drug is being prescribed for your “mentally addled” child. This series of wrong diagnosis for children with forms of autism and the supposed correct diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder should never be given speed. Not every problem can be resolved with a little medication. As a victim of state prescribed speed, I can tell you from first hand experience, it is an experience no child should be forced to endure.


My parents fought the system to get me away from the drugs, but little to their knowledge I had already started self medicating thanks to my elder sister who introduced me to cigarettes. My parents weren’t the wiser until it was far too late to do anything about my addiction that had replaced my state prescribed drugs. Being diagnosed was my gateway to other addictive substances, but thankfully for my mother, I had opinions formed of streetdrugs and kept to addictions that were more easily obtained. Coffee, caffeine, cigarettes. Things that seemed innocuous and easily obtainable. I don’t know whether I would have started this line of addictive behaviors had I not been prescribed speed by the state, but one thing is for certain. It didn’t help.


My worst memory, I still feel this sometimes as a long term side effect, is sitting in my room constantly reorganizing things. Anything. Pennies from dullness of color and shine to year they were manufactured. Crayons alphabetically from how pointy they were to how dulled the tips were. I functioned as a machine without free thought of my own. Often times I had a sensation that I were just a visitor of my own existence. I was literally trapped in my own mind and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Until the fated day my sister introduced me to cigarettes.


Granted not all experiences are the same, sometimes kids genuinely do benefit from the addictive substance. It doesn’t stop the fact that it is an addictive substance. To this day, I still don’t know how I avoided the ill fated destination of an addiction councilors room for addiction to my state prescribed baby sitter. I am merely grateful for it.


Instead of spreading awareness of mental health issues that get prescribed drugs that are harmful, why not champion yourself toward the cause of finding better ways of handling these problems. Help a child to become a better human being by not writing them a life long prescription that will land them in an addiction councilors office. Save the future.

5 Days Of Music Challenge

I’ve decided to be prudent with the final post of the challenge and make it about a message I hold near and dear to my heart. The basis of the song means a lot to me, it used to be a well known and beloved song across the nation. As of late though, patriotism and nationalism have been slandered as heresy and racism. I am hoping that this song helps bring a little nationalism to my readers. Yes, I love this song, regardless of my lack of faith in religion.


Princesses Everywhere!

So I was asked a while back to write a post about Disney and honestly, first thought that came to mind is the millions of Princesses that have come out of the Disney Studio Creation process. There are so many, and I grew up with most of them before they started in with all the new fangled process of doing movies. I miss the hand drawn artwork, it was so much more delicate and intricate in my opinion! We have princesses of all denominations, skin tones, backgrounds, and ages! 


I grew up with Ariel from Little Mermaid, the box cover that had inadvertently put a penis on the cover. Beautifully drawn Cinderella who fought against all odds to have the chance to go to a magical ball where she would meet the man of her dreams. Sleeping beauty whose outfit I wanted until I hit my adult years (ok I secretly still want it, so sue me), and whose story touched my heart in ways I never thought imaginable. 


Then there was my all time favorite, Snow White. I loved it most of all above all others because of how humble and kind she was. The seven dwarves helped her really blossom into a beautiful young lady, all the while managing to have the most amazing interactions with the surrounding wildlife. I only wish I could wake up, throw open my windows and sing until birds came into my home to join me!


The problem with Disney Princesses though is that they give some extremely disproportionate expectations. I mean, not everyone finds their Prince charming. You can’t always make all your problems go away, sometimes they’re there to stay. Don’t even get me started on how stunningly beautiful Disney Princesses are. 


Of course there are other stories made by Disney that are always family favorites like Pinocchio. Who better to teach young minds that lying is bad than a little wooden puppet that wants to be a real boy, only to find that every time he lies his nose grows? Meanwhile Alice in Wonderland makes me think of someone going through a really bad acid trip and just telling the story to some passerby while having wild hallucinations. Fantasia and all the following Fantasia movies were intensely amazing but also had this sort of stoner acid vibe. The music was always great though! I was constantly hooked!


Don’t think that Dear old Walt forgot about the animals though, some of my favorite childhood memories are watching such titles as Bambi, 101 Dalmations, Dumbo, and Lady and the Tramp. Lets not forget Mickey Mouse which is still a major house hold brand name that was started before I was a twinkle in my mother’s eye!


Every Disney movie has a story to tell, a moral to give to each boy and girl. I am hoping to build up a collection of the old originals before my kids are too old, so they can grow up with some of the movies I fell in love with as a child. You’re never too old to watch some classic children’s movies, even if you’re a grandmother or in your 70s without any kids.