Over a year ago, though not by much, I started blogging. My first ever post was in regards to the fact that, though I’d been tenacious in my prior attempts, I could not seem to quit smoking. I would find myself with a cigarette in hand, even at times when I had no conscious desire for one! It worried me and made me concerned about my habits with every passing day. There were even times where I found myself trying to avoid things that I closely related to my horrible habit of smoking. It was an internal battle for the ages, and one I doubt I’ll soon forget.
Part of the problem, I personally think, is that I started smoking at such a young age. Originally, my sister had introduced me to cigarettes, though for the life of me I cannot remember what brand she had smoked. Being the younger sister and expecting my elder sister to be more intelligent than myself, I blindly followed her lead. After a while, I began noticing that lo and behold, my ADHD seemed to be under control. A thought crossed my mind : Would I truly be free to function without my horrible ADHD medications that made me a personality-less zombie? From that realization forward, I was a smoker.
I managed to hide this bad habit from my mom mainly because she was a single working mother taking care of 2 kids, painstakingly working her rear end off and forfeiting things for her own self to ensure my sister and I got what we needed. I admire the strength and resolve my mother showed, she was and has been since, my idol. As I grew older, we began doing things together like drinking coffee in the mornings. I went with her to work as often as I could get away with it, no matter the hour we had to wake at. I tried, through little things, to show my mom that I admired her.
As I grew up, I began noticing that I was growing out of the need to smoke cigarettes but the mental link of needing them had already begun ingrained. It got to the point that I finally caved and told my mom I was a smoker. The shame I felt at having hid this secret overwhelmed me that night, so much that I still recall crying myself to sleep that night. Sure I’d hidden plenty of things from my mom, and lied often to ensure secrecy. This was about the time though that I began realizing lies were bad.
In the past 5 years that my husband and I’ve been together, we have both agreed that for the betterment of our own lives as well as the lives of our children, we should do our best to quit smoking. Often I’ve argued against it, becoming aggressive and frustrated with him. This past anniversary though, on March 12th, the striking of our 5th year together was when it finally clicked with me. A few days prior to our anniversary, I informed my husband that I felt I was finally ready to quit. Now, almost a month later, not only have I quit smoking but I’ve also not had the craving to have a cigarette. Much to my surprise, I’ve handled quitting quite miraculously.
To those struggling to quit, I want to share some wisdom with you. When you’re ready, not just when you want to quit but when you’re actually mentally and physically ready, quitting won’t seem so hard. It’s a matter of mind conquering desire, and when everything is in place, you’ll be able to do it too.