A Life Long War

Today I’ve come to a crossroad in my thinking. For those who have read my blogs so far, you may have come to observe that my posts are less and less frequent. Well, there’s a reason for this. Life basically decided to poo all over the people I care about. I won’t go too far into details mainly because I’m not sure some of them want me sharing all their dirty laundry. At least, about what’s going on right now. Being what it is though, the stress has crippled my brain to the point I’ve found little to write of, or I’ve become too angry over a topic to write about it.

 

Today I was shown that perhaps my thinking on a certain topic may be wrong. As we all know, the hot weather is fast approaching, the swimming pools will open soon and beaches across America will be crowded beyond belief. Normally, I don’t care about theses things. What makes today different? I was offered to have a family cookout/grill and hang around the swimming pool. The very idea fills me with dread. It makes my heart drop into the bottom of my stomach and leaves an unsettling feeling. Why? Simply put, I hate swimsuits. 

 

I had the nerve to try googling “Modest Swimsuit” and my eyes were met with a throng of two-piece barely covers the privates “bikini” swimsuits. This is nowhere near my speed. My husband however loves them and says I would look gorgeous in them. I found an image of an obese woman wearing a one-piece with frill, fat-overlap, and showed it to him and told him, “Dear, this is how I feel in a bikini. I feel nasty.” Modesty is a personal preference for me. I feel better in pants, t-shirts, or even long sleeve shirts. It’s why I don’t like going to swimming pools, be they public or private. My options are a burka-swimsuit which would kill me from heat and probably drown me or a barely there clings to every crevice of your body elastic spandex “Please Kill Me Now” swimsuit. 

 

Now that isn’t to say that I hold issue with others who wear them, it’s the other part of why I don’t partake in most common summer activities. I don’t want you to see me, I don’t want to see you. Men and women alike have the most dreadful of swimwear. Some men actually wear proper swim trunks and tops, but it’s rare. If anything, I much rather wear the husbands swim trunks and a t-shirt but I don’t think that would go over too well! Especially not in a world where modest women’s swimwear is basically covering your vagina and breasts.

 

It makes me wonder where all the almost cute modest mid-thigh swim skirts and seemingly spaghetti-strapped swim-tops went. I had something akin to that a couple years back, but even it made me uncomfortable. Not so uncomfortable that I wouldn’t play with my kids in the water, but still uncomfortable. It was at least a step in the right direction for people who prefer some modesty over barely-there crevice floss. I get that my fashion sense isn’t for everyone, I get it. That also counts for everyone elses fashion sense not being for all others in the world too though. In a world where we are being told to be accepting of everyone for everything, one would think there might be even a small market for markedly conservative non-religious folk who just want to go play in a pool with their kids while not feeling like a land-whale or a stick-figure.

Things We Put Up With

Having been part of a bigger family than I am used to for the past several years, I’ve come to realize another reason why I despise people. The problem being that they don’t even realize that they are doing more damage than they are good. People seem to be under the impression just because you became family through marriage, you’re obligated to do things for others until you die. This is a wrong assumption. If you give and give until it destroys you, your children will learn to be doormats too. My children will not watch their mother wither and die due to the incompetence of others.

 

I have been told that my children require interaction with other children, but if that interaction results in them being rude, vulgar, or ill tempered, is it truly in the best interest of the child? If this interaction results in them doing things they know they shouldn’t, isn’t it doing more damage than it is good? I see no reason to tolerate the ill behaved children of my neighborhood just for my girls to pick up their bad manners. Why do people even think they have a right to tell me what is best for mine anyhow? Are they my childrens’ parents? Obviously not, if they’re my children.

 

As a mother, as a wife, as a daughter and daughter-in-law, I refuse to be pushed around by those around me into thinking that any one person has the right way to raise my children. There is no handbook for a reason, all children are different and have different needs in order to grow up into respectable human beings. Unlike most, my children will not grow up with technology in their hands. They will have books, pencils, colored pencils, crayons, and the likes. They will not grow up thinking their parents don’t love them or believing television is the answer to every tantrum, we will have time out, swattings, and lectures. They are my children, and I will parent them as I so see fit. 

 

I have cut people from my life for being toxic to me, be they friend or family. No one is immune to being pruned from my world. This might come off as frigid, but I will always work in the best interest of my children, even if that means stripping them of their toxic family members. One cannot expect of my family what they are unwilling to do themselves. A line of friendship goes both ways, be it friends in our area, friends in our family, or friends we meet at parks. Make an effort so there is effort to be returned.

Spectacularly Amazing

It is only befitting that today’s prompt be “Captivating“, what with today being the 6th year anniversary of the day my husband and I first kissed and officially started dating. If it weren’t for that kiss, who knows where I may of ended up? Of course, I was too dreadfully shy so my husband was the one who initiated. A year after that though, he popped the question. It was unromantic, we had had a terrible day, we had gone to try doing something nice for our first year anniversary to find our bank account was in Non-Sufficient Funds territory. So off we went to the bank to find out, on our first year anniversary, what in the world went wrong. It turns out this was the culprit.

 

 

You see, my husband had gotten an engagement ring for me, well in advance, but they didn’t charge until well after he paid for it. Who knew they could charge you late? While we were sitting in the car, waiting to go in to find out what went wrong, he turned to me and said he wanted the day to have at least one shining moment. Right there, in the parking lot, in a dingy car, he proposed to me, full well knowing he was proposing to a crazy lady.

 

Not long after, we found out the most astounding news. We were pregnant! In order for the baby and I to receive care, we had to push forward the date of the wedding but we didn’t mind at all. We had already made up our minds, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

 

Our love kept us captivated with eachother and still to this day I cannot think of a person more captivating than my husband. Thanks to our love, we have had the joy of two beautiful children brought into our lives.

To keep things happy and healthy, not only is this our 6th year anniversary together as a whole but this is the first year anniversary of having quit smoking! I found the snippet I wrote from last year and I can’t be more proud of us as a couple and a family.

 

As an added bonus in trying to be healthy and extending our longevity, after finding out I was overweight this past Christmas, I began tracking my weight and progress. So far, I’ve lost 17 lbs since Dec 19th! I added my weight loss tracker to the website for those interested in following along. I am trying to be more active within my blog, with the kids being homeschooled for the time being though and everyone getting sick and such, it’s been hard. I hope this post makes up for some of it though! Hope everyone has a happy Monday!

Baking Bonanza

So, I’ve come to terms with the fact that when I get super stressed out, I tend to turn to baking to quell my stress and mental agony. I’ve honestly been working on this post since last Thursday, when the baking bonanza truly peaked. 

 

A little reason as to why the baking bonanza was even necessary first, before I begin showing off my goodies that I baked with my heart and soul. My husband had to have a biopsy on a tumor that’d been found growing in his jaw. Now me being terrified of driving, as well as having kids, I couldn’t very well go with him. This only added to my stress and emotional frustrations. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that not only is he having cancer related stuff happening but his mom recently had a double mastectomy and the kids haven’t been able to see her in a while, which has resulted in them being doubly bad because they are protesting the lack of grandma and papaw time.

So all this stress, I’m sure your imagination can work out just how close I was to losing what was left of the tiny pinch of sanity I have. So here I am, losing my mind, my husband asks me if there is anything I need on his way home from work Wednesday night. My response was something akin to “Butter, chocolate chips, eggs, peanut butter, raisins, milk, and all purpose flour.” When I awoke the next morning, the bake-a-thon was on. It was the third baking bonanza since Thanksgiving, and I was in desperate need of it.

Pre-Baked Oatmeal Raisin

Fresh From The Oven Peanut Butter Cookies!

Delicious Fresh Chocolate Chip Cookies

 

I managed to make a total of 63 Chocolate Chip cookies, 51 Peanut Butter cookies, and 38 Oatmeal Raisin cookies in my baking bash. My poor kitchen suffered for my baking tantrum. 

Mid Baking Bonanza

My normally nice and tidy kitchen was a wreck. You can see my over-sized cup of coffee fueling my every move, as well as my assortment of baking ingredients and implements. Though I didn’t stop at just baking, I also made the husband a special lunch since it would be the last thing he ate before his operation.

Lemon Pepper Salmon Patties!

He loves himself some salmon patties, so I decided to make it super special. Low and behold, I also forgot that he wouldn’t be coming home and eating dinner, so I also made pork chops for dinner that he would never end up getting the pleasure of eating.

Pork Chops For Dinner!

It didn’t take long for my kitchen to go from complete chaos to my standard of usability though. Strangely, since I’ve become an adult, I’ve become increasingly psychotic about how my kitchen is kept.

All Done Baking And Cooking!

But whatever happened to all the cookies? Since I was nearly baking till I dropped, I certainly wasn’t going to feed them to the kids and make them more chaotic than they normally are! So instead, I packed them up and sent them with the husband to work for his coworkers.

This One Stayed Home With Me!

It has been now 3 days since the operation and he still isn’t feeling that great, thankfully the doctor gave him Friday and Monday off from work. Here is to hoping tomorrow he feels able to go back to work. Hope you enjoyed looking at the fruits of my Baking Bonanza labors and sorry for the lack of content lately. I hope you understand.

Indomitable

The Content Of This Post May Result
In The Triggering Of Others
We Are Allowed Our Own Opinions
Respect Ours And We Will Respect Yours

 

Of late, I’ve been asked many times my stance on certain things thanks to the political shitstorm America is in right now. Between women’s rights, the policy makers, and the POTUS, we’ve had a lot on our plate. Not to mention the bills being passed of late which have been stirring up a bunch of controversy. I talked it over with my dear friend Suze and we’ve come to the conclusion that I might as well write a blog about it. So here goes nothing.

 

To start with, I want to warn you, I am an atheist libertarian who happens to also be a married straight white female in a monogamous relationship who is of no discernable talents other than being a great homemaker, wife, and mother. Horrible, isn’t it? I confess, I enjoy it though. Take a deep breath, sweet triggered people, I promise, it gets better. I take care of my home finances, balance my budget, and for the most part try not to end up arguing with people who have less than two brain cells. It’s about as fair as a fight with an unarmed person, but I am all about attempting fairness. Now that you have a little background about me, on to the topic that has been pushed in my face more times than I can count.

 

I’ve been asked, “How can you, as a libertarian female, not be pro life?!” Well, problem with this question is that I am pro-life. I just also understand there are certain aspects of people’s lives that cannot be accounted for and should not penalize the individuals for these situations. For instance an individual with a mental handicap caused by the situation should not be forced to carry a child which caused them a traumatic incident. Be it rape or incest, both can be equally traumatic yet are not considered by most to be a viable reason to have early pregnancy termination. So I ask the question that I find most pertinent, “If you were abused, violently, then forced into a sexual situation, would you want to carry that permanent reminder of what happened with you at all times?” It’s actually been discussed in many circles that women of traumatic pregnancies tend to resent the child and thus treat the child poorly. Is that really what you want? Aren’t the children supposed to be our main concern? 

 

Then there are the few, the rare, the downtrodden who cannot physically carry due to blood disorder, body shape/size, or a long medical history of miscarriages with internal bleeding as a result. Are these people to be penalized for the abuse of a doctors care by those who can’t use regular contraceptive? Is there life no more precious to you than a grain of sand? The claim that life begins at conception makes me so angry because what of the to-be mothers who will die in childbirth? The women who are forced to carry a baby but don’t have the hips or weight to carry a child to term? Do you have any idea the trauma that will be put upon them or the child when they die as does their child? Then there is the people that say single-parent households lead to gangbanger kids. So you want the mother to give birth just so she can die and leave the man with a child that he doesn’t know what to do with? Most parenting classes are for women because women are the natural caregivers. You just signed that woman’s death certificate. Good on you and your principles though because now there’s a widowed man with a baby to take care of and he has to work two jobs just to cover child care and live below the cozy standard of living. You wonder why I don’t like you.

 

Part of what bothers me though is that thanks to these laws that are being made in regards to abortions and other female health care is that the law has no place in the dealings of my vagina! While I am against and find abortion abhorrent, I understand the practicality and necessity of it. Should the government cover it? No, but medical coverage that you pay for should cover a portion of the costs. These laws make it so medical professionals cannot do what is in the best interest of their patient without potential loss of their medical license. Why should the doctor fear for their profession when they’re just doing what is in the best interest of the patient? Thank you, law man, you just executed untold numbers of women with medical problems who can’t carry to term. So much for the value of life.

 

As for the most problematic part of this entire discussion? It would be the fact that apparently I’m not entitled to have my own educated opinion about abortion because I’m a white, straight, atheist, libertarian, married female. That’s a heck of a mouth full, right? I’ve seen people get shouted down for trying to debate this subject with facts and logic to the point they simply concede the point and give up. It upsets me to no end that people cannot have stimulating educational conversations without screaming like a wild rabid animal. One’s opinion should not be treated as any less important than others just because they differ. Instead, open a line of dialog and try to see if their reasoning is sound and make sense. Or you could… I don’t know… Just fuck off? That works too.

Inward Reflection

I haven’t been around for a while, mainly because I’ve been doing some visceral reflections of myself and my situation. Reason for this being that I see mayhem and destruction every time I turn around. I lift my head to whomever is trying to get my attention, the news almost always being negative in some way, shape, or form. What exactly did I do to deserve all this buzzing negativity surrounding me? I’ve become more a recluse than normal these past few months since the POTUS was announced, in part to the fact that those who don’t hate Trump love what he is doing, without regard to who it might hurt. Those that are against Trump want to see him die. 

 

When did we as a people become so hateful, so downright disgusting that our moral compass allows us to wish death on another living human being? So his views are messed up, in many peoples eyes so are mine. Should I be killed just because my ideas of what is right and what is wrong differ from someone else’s? When did we become a collaboration of hateful, death-wishing, unforgiving, fearmongers? The whole idea of America was to create a land of the free, where ideas could be discussed without malice and fabrications of fact. Our very nations identity is on the cusp of dying, yet people want to allow others to dictate how America celebrates its holidays. You don’t have to like Trump, I certainly don’t, but don’t hate America. 

 

America used to be a place where Merry Christmas was seen as polite and friendly, you didn’t think twice before saying it for fear of offending someone’s dainty little feelings. People used to not sugar coat the truth and be honest, now America has gone from a holiday celebrating flamboyantly truthful and flirting with temptations of death to teetering on the edge of not being America anymore. We used to have our own culture, our own life style, our own ways of life. Thanks to America being the “melting pot”, we no longer have a culture. We no longer speak the truth, because someone might get their itty bitty baby feelings hurt. Honesty is shamed, culture is demolished, traditions are dying, yet all anyone can do is scream about how we need to kill the president. 

 

Ever think that the death of America might be the very reason Trump won to begin with? He made promises of restoring America to her original glory, though what era of “glory” to which he referred to then was unknown, and it spoke to people. It spoke to their hearts. America shouldn’t have to give up its own culture, her traditions, or her honesty. She shouldn’t have to compromise, because this is America and she should be free to be how she wants. Yes, in my eyes America is a woman. I don’t care if it makes me sexist. We send armies out to defend her and her honor all the time. I think it’s high time we defend her honor here on the home front, before all is truly lost. We aren’t loyal to a man who leads a country, we are loyal to a country we call home.

Our True Perspective

When I think of the word hidden, the first and foremost thing that pops into my mind is how we truly feel about people, things, and events happening around us. Reason being? Majority of people hide their true thoughts and intentions, constantly, in varying degrees. Most commonly at social functions. It used to not be this way, the exchange of ideas and moral compasses used to be a common thing that was supported, or even sparked excitement. That was in a day and age where being offended by every little thing made you appear weak, uncivil, and incapable of seeing a different direction or view. At least, that was how it would have been perceived. 

 

So what happened? Intelligent debate is no longer welcome. Certain words and phrases can’t be used anymore, no matter how aptly they might describe a situation, because someone’s feelings might get hurt. We literally live in a society where honest, open, scientifically backed debates are not allowed to be held. Speakers are violently protested to the point that their entourage says it’s too dangerous to appear because of the imminent danger posed to the speaker. We have let the special snowflakes, social justice warriors, and the weak minded who can’t handle opposing views to dominate our world.

 

It is because of this that our youth grow up thinking that the world should be handed to them on a silver platter. Why? If we don’t, their feelings might get hurt. Everyone gets a participation trophy or ribbon, even if they did absolutely nothing. You can fail as hard as you want, you’ll still get boosted up and pushed forward. There no longer is any challenge. Why put forth effort if you’ll still win, right? A movie made back in 2006 nailed it on the head. I only wish the world had been smart enough to realize. If you don’t know of what movie I speak, I recommend you search your “apple store” or “Google play” for Idiocracy 2006.

 

There is a difference between speaking in such a way as to spare hurt feelings for valid reasons, such as properly phrasing oneself, and completely ignoring truth and fact to spare an individual’s feelings. One can be ignorant, so long as they seek enlightenment. 

Delightful Bites

When I think of the word snack, I immediately think of my kids. I know, how cliche, right? A mom thinking of her kids when they hear words. It’s so passe. Tough, because that’s exactly what happened and I’m going to tell you a little bit about why!

 

So the past few days, I’ve been in a rut. My depression got the better of me and it made everything seem so drawl and drab, like nothing had any meaning. I’m sure so many others can relate to that feeling, so I’m going to share what I did to bring myself right back out of it! I had started reading into baking, first starting off small with pre-made cake mixes into cookies and such. They were awesome to the max.

My First Cookies!

 

Then I got the idea, this wild hair up my tuckas as I like to call it. I wanted to bake from scratch. So I dug. I searched. I read recipe after recipe. I finally stopped at a Betty Crocker Oatmeal Raisin cookie recipe. It was simple, to the point, quick and easy! Or so I had thought. I made my first batch and all were delighted, though I had tweaked the recipe a tad. As my husband was getting ready to go to work, I tweaked the recipe yet again. I fear I may have created a monster in my hunt for the perfect homemade cookie. I wanted something that would be a great snack, but that had some healthy parts to it. What I ended up with was a mountain of cookies that went what felt like a mile high.

 

Look at those golden edges! Yum!

 

Now for the good part. The recipe! I jotted down as I cooked and mixed, so you’re lucky! 

 

1/2 C Sugar
1/4 C Brown Sugar
1/2 C Melted Butter
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1 Egg
4 Oz Warmed Peanut Butter

 

3/4 C Flour
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp Salt

 

1 1/2 Quaker Oats
1/2 C Raisins
1/4 C Chocolate Chips

 

Preheat Oven at 375 º

Everything is separated out per which steps get done first, then second, and finally last steps. When you start making it, mix the sugar, brown sugar, butter, vanilla, egg, and peanut butter together. Once you’ve got it nicely mixed it should have a creamy caramel colored look to it. That’s when you can add the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. It’ll become a thick caramel-like texture, like watching caramel drip deliciously onto a pan. At that moment, you know that it’s perfect and can finally mix in the oatmeal, raisins, and chocolate chips. I used a silicon spatula to fold the oatmeal, raisins and chocolate chips into the gooey delicious cookie dough. Once it’s nicely mixed together, then you can pop them into the oven! Parchment paper is definitely a must, or else you’ll end up wasting a lot of soap and water. I suggest getting an ice-cream shaped scoop that is actually called a “cookie-scoop”. They make perfectly sized cookies, every time! Give them 10-12 minutes in the oven and they should be ready! Here was my first batch!

 

They certainly smelled super delicious!

 

I let them chill in the refrigerator for a good ten minutes before putting them on the plate and moving on to the next set of ten. Happy baking and I hope you enjoy these delightful snacks!

What Could Be

There are a lot of pressing topics that have been clouding my mind as of late, one of which being the government’s unseemingly distasteful desire to meddle with policies they have no clue about. Obama Care may have given coverage to people who otherwise would be denied due to preexisting conditions, but it also made low-mid tier and mid tier employees pay more for medicaid that they didn’t have. Why these people pay for something they don’t use to begin with is beyond me. My children don’t go to school but we still pay school zone tax, we have never had state assistance yet we still pay for state assistance programs. Medicaid is great for those who don’t work or work just little enough that they’re not taxed for it, but the income levels who do pay for it struggle to provide for their family because of the taxes they are forced to pay. 

 

The problem isn’t so much government meddling though, it’s medical coverage as a whole. No human being should be able to be denied or charged more for medical coverage, or for medical care. In my opinion, there should be a flat-rate that is seen as the acceptable median for any and all procedures. If an individual is born with a heart or lung condition, that should not stop them from getting coverage or receiving medical attention. Period. They’re human just like all of us. This does not however mean that everyone else should pay for their medical needs. Being an individual who grew up with a metabolism issue as well as a mental disorder or two, I know it isn’t easy taking care of someone who has medical needs. I recall my first ever medical bill as an adult, I had swallowed my tongue ring like a fool and ended up with ambulance, er visit, doctor and x-ray charges I had to pay. All that accumulated to over $5,000 just for a simple accident like swallowing a tongue ring. 

 

At the time, I had no medical coverage. I didn’t really need it because I’d learned to manage my conditions. Some conditions can’t be managed though, and that is where my stance comes from. Medical coverage should not be mandatory, but optional. Medical coverage should not be paid for through the taxes of those who slave away at work all day every day, but should be paid for either by the individual or by the state on a case by case basis. Forcing a copay on people is understandable but it should be reasonable. A person who has to take management medications, or long term medications should not be made to pay a copay that makes going without seem a better option. Many low income families can’t afford a $50-$75 copay just to visit a doctor to get a refill on a $40 prescription. 

 

Because of all the hoodwinking and backstabbing means of charging people extra, I personally gave up on a prescription that was helping me. The cost of health coverage alone makes me wish that I would spontaneously die because the idea of being a financial burden fills me with anger, depression, and a sense of uselessness. Many others out there feel the same way, even though the only person financially responsible for me is my husband. He works tireless hours day in and day out, but even then, the raise that happened to my medication thanks to obama care and the medical company my husband uses through his work, my medication is no longer covered and I would have had to pay full price. 

 

So all you out there who think that Obama Care was great, keep in mind that there are people like me who have chosen to stop their medication due to the horrors wrought by his bill. Trump’s bill is horrible as well, but I honestly rather be ill than pay almost as much for my medication as I do for my electric bill. Medical coverage will always be a disaster so long as there is no free market.

Pure Insanity

Throughout history it has been proven time and time again that immigration without assimilation is by definition a sign of hostility, the first steps to a full on invasion and the beginnings of a takeover. By definition, immigration with no intent to immerse themselves into the culture they’re moving into is a means of eradicating the original culture by which they’ve been granted access to. This is precisely how nations fall and countries become disenfranchised. They see the powers that be, not enforcing their nation’s laws, letting people run rampant and unchecked. To cry for open borders would be to support the extinction of a nation, the extinction of differences in cultures, in truth it is the extinction of diversity.

Just take a look at what happened when our forefathers came to this nation. It was a takeover, not a peaceful assimilation, there was no immersion, no cohesion between the Native Indians that we dubbed Native Indians. We labeled them as barbarians, savages, and we took over with little effort. How often do you see a Native Indian anymore? It’s not often, I’m betting. They may not have had any laws regarding immigration, but that didn’t make what we did any better. Now here we are, centuries down the line, we are allowing what we did to the Natives of the land to happen to us even though it goes against our own laws that have been in place for years.

 

I’ve always been under the impression that laws were intended to be enforced, that this land was our home. I thought letting people into our country ought to be viewed as the same as letting people into our very own personal home. Everyone has their own rules for their individual homes. I’m quite certain if someone walked into your home, made a mess, demanded that you change your routine to fit their lifestyle even though you don’t believe or live that lifestyle, well I’m rather positive that you wouldn’t accept it. Why on earth you want the nation to pay for those who won’t assimilate, who won’t learn the language of our nation, the logic is beyond me. Is there even any logic in your thought process?

 

Every time I see people crying out for the protection of those who refuse to become apart of America, when I see others claiming that deportation of illegal residents is inhumane, it makes me wonder. If you love these individuals, these law breakers, these detestable human beings who have no care for the rights of the average American, why don’t you let them stay at your house? Why don’t you foot the bill for their personal well being and their shelter? Why don’t you allow your home to be torn asunder, your beliefs or lack there of be questioned under your own roof, your food thrown away because it doesn’t fit into their religious beliefs.

 

I know I won’t. I am a law abiding citizen of America. I am a resident. This is my country, this is my home, have some respect.